my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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