Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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