i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
