Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
