her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
