Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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