Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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