She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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