when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
