Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
