I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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