Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize