I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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