so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
