he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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