After last night, I could never be a politician.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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