When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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