I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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