he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
