he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
