you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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