The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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