how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
