What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
