Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
