Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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