im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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