I want to make a zoo with you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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