VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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