You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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