***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
