Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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