I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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