If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
