redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
