Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
