if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.