Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
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Just high enough for therapy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat