She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.