put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event