the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
