Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
