remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
