Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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