I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
