I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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