It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
