yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
