Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
