Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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