i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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