Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
