I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
