It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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