My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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