Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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