all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
