his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
