when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Drunk is not a location!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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