who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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