Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The air was thick with penises
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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