Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
