yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
