i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
