Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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