come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
we should paint friendship bongs
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