Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
