I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
