for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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